Abandon.

"You were just afraid that they'd abandon you, so you abandoned them."

I leave people before they can leave me.

It's easier that way, then I don't get hurt.
I don't know what that says about me.
I push people away so I don't have to deal with feelings.
Everyone is an enemy no matter how close they are to me.
I guess it's a defense mechanism.
But...I'm used to it, and I don't know if I could/should/would change it.

But then there is the fact that I am very protective of those I let in.
Because they mean so much to me, since they are so few in number and I treasure them greatly.


Jekyll/Hyde, to a lesser degree.

I think about why I'm like this sometimes.
Or all of the time.
I guess there are many reasons that I just don't want to talk about.

Whenever I let my guard down and become the girl I sometime want to be, bubbly, perky, always happy...
something ruins it and hurts me.

When I let someone in, and start to trust them, they hurt me.
So I have to go back to the barbed wire.

It's the easiest way.