Fourteen.

14. I always feel that I'm bothering people when I talk to them, even my family and friends.

Why do people even want to hang out with me? I think about that a lot. Most of the time I regret what I say the moment it comes out of my mouth. I feel like I'm an embarrassment that my friends want to keep hidden away except for the three days out of the month they want someone to make them laugh. It's very rare that someone calls me just to talk, or invites me to hang out if I don't initiate it. Most of the time I'm just ignored. I've been wondering about that a lot lately. Why is it so easy to brush me off? To ignore me for a week, or weeks, at a time? A text every once in a blue moon doesn't count.
I try to listen to every one...but only a few of them return the favor. When I have a problem I can't even talk about it because it seems like no one wants to hear it. I don't get offered advice, just an acknowledgment and then we go right back to talking about the other person.
Maybe I'm just having a bad week? One where it's clear that I am always pushed to the back, until other plans are canceled? I don't want to take it any more, but I don't want to cause any problems. Stalemate.
I've decided to stop. No more initiating hangouts, texts, comments or phone calls. Let's see what happens. I hate being treated like this, yet I always am. By the same people, over and over again. Is the problem me?